Recently I posted this question
on my facebook page: “For my friends who
don't attend church anywhere or did attend and have stopped, if you are willing
to participate and be honest, I'd like to know why? You won't receive any
judgment or even a response from me unless you request one. I believe if, as a
leader in a Christian Church, I can better understand the reasons people no
longer attend church maybe I can better understand how to eliminate obstacles
to the gospel. If you are uncomfortable posting feel free to inbox me. Look
forward to reading your responses and thanks. Any takers?”
A theme that runs throughout is
that people feel judged when coming to church. What is difficult to discern
sometimes is if people feel judged because of sin, which is a function of the
proclamation of the Word of God or because they are mistreated at the hands of
hypocritical religious types.
The following posts are typical
of the judgment theme:
“There
hasn't been too many things in my life I keep hidden, I sin and I know it and I
have been judged for it, that's okay I don't even mind judgment from my fellow
man that much as long as they are living the life they are guiding me to live
but time and again I would see people who sit in judgment not being honest
about their mistakes and not allowing themselves to be corrected as they
corrected others. Often times I would want to go to church after it started and
leave before it ended just to avoid the conversations that caused me to leave
church feeling worse than when I came. I may not attend regular services but I
still hold the church to a higher standard at times than it holds itself up to
and so often I am let down by the changes that are coming about rapidly within
Gods house just to please the world instead of instructing the lost.”
“Too
much politics going on. And in one church, it was so big that you can't
remember anyone's name. In another, it was too judgmental…no one would say
"hi" but just nod. I had the feeling it was because the way we
dressed. We are not rich so our clothes aren't fancy enough. Oh, and another
one brought me in front of the congregation and ask me everything about me...I
kind of felt trapped. Never went back to that one. My husband and I try to
teach as much as we can to our children at home. Its more comfortable for us.”
“Church
is painful for me. It feels as if I am in a funeral the whole service. A song,
a verse of scripture, the way some one worships, sitting alone without my
family, it is just too hard. I will never forget running from a church building
when the pastor asks everyone to get with their family and come forward. I wept
in my car. I could not even drive. I feel as if people go to church with no
clue of the hurting soul beside them. The church is no longer a safe haven, but
a place of judgment.”
“I
went to church my entire life, practically. My childhood/teenage years were
chaos due to family issues. Instead of having people there for me, I had people
disappointed in me for not being the "perfect" example for my younger
siblings. I had rumors spread about me. Horrible rumors at that and in my
darkest moments, going through so much, people turned their backs on me. I have
tried going to churches after all that I went through but the wounds are still
extremely fresh and I just can't. Fear of being turned on is still in the back
of my head and the people that you should always be able to run to, well I will
NEVER be comfortable with doing that again. P.S. I still deal with fakes in my
life but have learned that is just who a lot of church going people are and
that is sad. Why people can't see their faults as Christians, is beyond me.”
Again, the emotions conveyed
come through powerfully. As Christians we can absolutely do a better job of
loving people. The tension that must be balanced is that the Bible does indeed
call us sinners. Romans 3:23 indicts us all “For all have sinned and fall short
of the glory of God.” But God is the only one capable of sitting in judgment of
sinners. We should seek to remove any and all obstacles to the gospel,
understanding that the tension the sinner feels when hearing the Word of God is
resolved in the grace of God bringing all of us to salvation. For some the
judgmental attitudes descended into downright abuse. Consider the following
heartbreaking response.
“I was
a forced into church three days a week. I would get hit if I did not go. Every
time I have tried to join a church I feel like I am being forced to go and then
I stop going. I get flashbacks of my youth. And yes that church was full of
people that were able to buy the nice clothes, it was all about fashion and if
you weren't in you were out. They also instilled fear in us, to the point when
ever we did anything we would fear that God was going to send birds of prey to
feast on us.”
This kind of abuse from anyone
who says they are a Christian or any institution waving the banner of Christ is
evil, and should be labeled as such. But sometimes even well meaning gestures
can be offensive. Consider this single-mother’s response:
“Every
church I have been to places judgment on me right away for being a single
mother and treat me as if I am a leper no church has tried to be there for me
or my kids they just want to throw money at us at Christmas and get mad cause I
don’t need it! We need love, comfort, compassion, people willing to act like we
exist outside the church in our daily lives, Jesus command us to love one
another and churches just aren’t doing that anymore!”
Sadly, I believe these responses
are how many perceive the church and Christians today. We have been called by
Christ to be salt and light but sadly we end up becoming vinegar and darkness.
We need Jesus to re-engage our thoughts and re-ignite our hearts with the
passion and compassion of the gospel.
One thoughtful young man shared
a poignant analogy:
“A
church gathering reminds many of a gathering with the in-laws who live out of
state. You marry your spouse because you love her and she/he you; a beautiful
relationship. Then you're told to go to a gathering with the in-laws (out of
state) in which you have no daily/weekly relationship. Most of the in-laws are
asking questions, and then making judgments in their minds about your answers.
They may even begin teaching you a few things about your spouse "to help you
out." You begin to realize that your commonality is your spouse and that's
it. Further, you realize that their relationship with your spouse is obviously
not the same as yours, yet you receive all kinds of recommendations or advice
on how to "do life" with your spouse; whether it's family related,
work related, vacation related, etc. You leave the in-law's house and trek back
home... wondering what all just happened and why do you now feel sort of
estranged from your spouse? This is just something I hear from many (sometimes
from myself) that may help. In this story... you are you, the spouse is Jesus
and the in-laws are the people in the church.”
I’ll share more responses soon.
There is plenty for us to repent for in the 21st century Church. We
should start today by asking God to forgive us for judgmental attitudes and lack of love. May we always speak the truth and always show the love of Christ.
I love that last "in-law" analogy. We summed up. The whole tension between us being convicted of our sin and how the bible addresses the solution to that tension will probably never be without controversy. You may have other testimonies of people coming to Jesus in spite of fellow Christian's failures. I'm one of those folk. Still, one of my favorite passages of scripture is in James 2:13. "...and mercy rejoices against judgment." What will still end up happening is what we do with Jesus and His claims.
ReplyDeleteMay God help us to be loving witnesses to His grace!
This is heartbreaking indeed. I hope so that we are able to show people that we truly love them. We are truly living in a very different world and with many hurts from the past.
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